Girlfriends

Not all girlfriends are created equal. I learned this a long time ago, but it seems to have been reiterated throughout my life.

Some girlfriends come into your life for a short time either leaving you with a smile or a life lesson, hopefully both. Then there are the girlfriends that stick and are more family than friends. They know all about the good, the bad, and the ugly and love you anyway. They will support you through hard times, celebrate you through good times and because they truly love you, when necessary, they tell you the hard truth even when you don't want to hear it.

If you can find one of those girlfriends, you are blessed. If you have more than one you are not only blessed, but one lucky woman!

I am one of the LUCKY women, beyond blessed to have a couple of ride-or-die babes by my side.

"A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself" -Frank Crane

Doreen, Taylor, Kyla. I have been friends with these ladies for 35, 16, and 10 years, respectively. Not to mention Whitney and Anna, two ladies that I have known for all our lives (literally) and are more sisters than people I "made friends" with.

These five are my Ride-or-Die, secret keepers, truth-tellers, and my love me no matter what ladies.

Years have a way of binding people together with shared history, life events, laughter, sorrow, joy, and love. Those kinds of bonds can never be broken or replaced.

But...

Then life does what it does. It moves on and things change and all of a sudden, we are put into a position where we need to make new friends. Maybe you move across the country like I did. Or your besties are not in the same season of life as you are and while they are there to support you, they may not fully understand what you are going through.

Nothing made this more obvious to me than when I had my kiddo.

I had no village of women to help me out during those early months of motherhood when I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. At least not a village that was in the same area code. Which, when you are battling sleepless nights, severe colic, and a debilitating bout of postpartum depression, turns out to be a very big deal.

My besties were thousands of miles away living in Wisconsin and Alaska. My parents and in-laws were also in Wisconsin. It was just me and my hubby.

I was craving a "girl squad" and I knew that having girlfriends is good for your health. There have been so many studies that have shown that having a solid core of girlfriends reduces stress, aids with feelings of loneliness, and increases oxytocin and serotonin. During that season of being a new mom, not only did I want some girlfriends, but I also needed friends around me here in Texas.

But they couldn't be just any friends. They had to be friends that would come over if I needed them. Friends that I could call at 2 am if my baby had a fever and I needed advice or help. Friends that I could drop by their house with the kiddo and have impromptu play dates. Friends that we could go on adventures with and share trials and triumphs with. Friends that would gladly be honorary aunties to my kiddo. Friends that would celebrate birthdays and holidays with me and my family. Friends that I could have girls' nights with!

I needed true blue, honest, ride-or-die, truth-telling, love me like I am, and more importantly, love my kiddo, friends here in Texas!

"A good friend is like a four-leaf clover; hard to find and lucky to have! ~ Irish Proverb

So, I began the daunting task of finding new friends. New "mom friends" to be specific, and I found something out fast. Making new friends is a skill. Who knew?

Once you get a core group of girlfriends, you end up not having to stretch those "friend-making muscles". And I hadn't stretched those for a very long time.

I mean, I've made friends at places of employment through the years. But that was something that I kind of just fell into. It's hard to not make friends at places you work.

However, actively going out to find friends was a new experience for me. To say I was awkward at this venture is an understatement.

I joined a site called Peanut. It's designed for new parents/moms to have a support system virtually or in person if you so choose. There are forums you can join, chat groups, and articles you can read. In some ways, it was very helpful. In others, not so much.

There were several starts and stops but no take-offs. I realized through this venture that I needed to try something that required me to get out of my comfort zone and get my, once upon a time extroverted self out there. It was time to change my friend-making strategy.

I started going to the local library's "toddler time", enrolled my kiddo in swim lessons, and started to go to church again.

Again, there were a lot of starts and stops. Turns out, not only do you have to click with the mamma friend, but your kiddo also has to click with the other kiddo(s)! It was a whole different dynamic than I ever anticipated. I had almost given up hope of finding my village.

But then it happened (insert a singing choir of angels).

I meet Sheena and then I meet Ashleigh at my kiddo's "mommy and me" swim class. Then, Sheena introduced me and Ashleigh to Crystal. It was an easy and automatic friendship for all of us and I had finally found my village here in Texas.

Between the four of us there are seven kiddos and the younger five of them are all around the same age. Birthdays and holiday celebrations are an adventure, and it feels like we are surrounded by family.

Sawyer, Teo, and Issac were all born within two weeks of each other and this December/January they will all be turning 4. Carissa is the lone girl. She will be 5 in November, and don't worry, she can more than hold her own with all the boys. Last but not least there is little Cayson who just turned 3 in July. There are two older girls, Kayleigh and Brynn, (13 and 10 respectively) who tag along with their younger siblings' shenanigans from time to time. They are wonderfully amazing girls and are so great with all the younger kiddos. I love them.

I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have these three ladies in my corner. They have happily taken over the role of "aunty" for my baby. We have play dates, field trips, birthday and holiday celebrations together. There have been easter egg hunts, Christmas cookie decorating, Halloween Trunk or Treats, park outings, swimming pool summer days, and hundreds of other precious moments spent as friends together.

There have been late-night phone calls when our babies had fevers or weird rashes or when one of us just needed support, whether it was kiddo-related or not. There have been, "Hey, I need your help" followed by "I'll be there in twenty min", moments as well as "mom's night out" moments (although not as many as we'd like!). It has truly become a family and a village.

The village has grown and changed over the past three years. We all have other mammas that we do things with or that are included in our shenanigans, but it's the four of us with our seven kiddos that are still at its core.

"In order to make friends you must first be friendly" ~ Dale Carnegie

October 19th was National New Friends Day. Whether you find yourself in a situation where finding new friends is a necessity or if you are just in a new season of life and want to expand your current circle here are some ways that I have found to help you make some new friends.

Try Something New

Look to your interests and sign up for a class. If you've always wanted to learn to paint sign up for an art class. Need to learn how to cook? Find a local cooking class. Do you have some DIY projects around the home you need to learn how to accomplish? Sign up for a class at Home Depot or Lowes.

Or sign your kiddo up for a class and enjoy talking to the other parents while your kiddo does their thing. I meet my friends Sheena and Ashleigh at a "Mommy and Me" swim class!

Take It to Church

There are so many opportunities to make friends at church and connect with other moms and kiddos. Most churches will have women's groups and bible studies where you can meet other women in various seasons of life.

Volunteer

Do you have a passion for giving back? Volunteer your time and resources to something you're passionate about. It could be at your local animal shelter, food bank, or even at your kiddo's school! There are even opportunities to volunteer at various places like zoos and museums. You could meet some very interesting people by volunteering!

Go to the Gym

If you find yourself at the gym, take the opportunity to talk to other gymgoers. Take a class or chat with the person who is on the treadmill next to you.

Find an Online Social Group Specific to Your Area

Sometimes starting online is the way to go. Join a social group of like-minded people or people who are in the same season of life. There are all kinds of Facebook groups for moms and parents that have events where you can meet up with people in person.

Join a Club

Whether it's you or your kiddo, joining a club can be a great way to meet new people who also happen to have similar interests. If you like reading, you could join a book club. Have a kiddo that loves animals? Try 4H or FFA.

Talk to Your Neighbors

Get outside and take a walk, and while you're at it, talk to your neighbors! You never know who you may click with or who might have kids that would love to have a playdate with your kiddo. There is also the option of a Neighborhood Chat Site where you could talk to people before you meet in person.

Coffee Anyone?

I know that this may sound like the most awkward thing in the world, but if you're in line at the coffee shop, chat up the mom that's in front of you. See if she wants to sit down with you to enjoy that Venti Quad Shot Charmel Macchiato with Extra Whip that she ordered.

Playgrounds & Parks

Obviously only hit the playground if you have your kiddo with you. Otherwise, it might be kind of weird (that was a mom joke). Playgrounds and parks are a gold mine for parents and kiddos to make friends with. Start some conversations and see what happens.

I hope that you have enjoyed this post Dear Reader and the copious number of pictures that I included! Let me know in the comments if you have ever found yourself in a new season of life and needed to make new friends. If so, how have you gone about this?