Mommy Meltdown

When I started writing my blog, I wanted to be transparent and real about the trials and triumphs of being a mother and a woman.

Instagram, Facebook, and all the other social media platforms are testament to how we, as a society, present a picture-perfect life to the world, glossing over the hard stuff and pretending that everything is, well... perfect.

"Nothing to see here folks"

But the truth is, even if it looks like we are keeping it all together on the outside, our minds are often racing with the "I should," "what's next," and "I have to" of everyday life.

As moms, we seldom turn our brains off. We are constantly scrolling through our mental list of things we need to accomplish and coordinate.

Dinners, doctor appointments, laundry, dishes, play dates, homework, marriage, friends, bills, cleaning, holidays, birthdays, pets, groceries, decorating the home, honestly the list is endless. I'm sure you, Dear Reader, can think of hundreds of other things we juggle on a daily basis.

That constant mental load, combined with the physical demands that motherhood can put on you, can be overwhelming, overstimulating, and if we aren't careful, debilitating.

We've all been there and, right now this is where I find myself. Completely and cripplingly overwhelmed and overstimulated with my mental load.

When you are feeling that stressed and anxious it affects everything in your life.

Your temper shortens, your energy goes down, and it becomes difficult to remember things. You might experience headaches, body aches, loss of appetite (or you might stress eat), trouble sleeping, or even an upset stomach.

If you are experiencing long-term stress from things like a job or relationship issues, it can have profound effects on your brain. Due to the consistently high cortisol levels over an extended amount of time, your brain can shrink, reducing the size of your prefrontal cortex, the area of your brain responsible for your behavior, personality, and executive function (ability to make decisions or plans, problem-solving, regulating emotions, etc.). You wind up being in a consistent state of fight, flight, or freeze mode.

As I was reflecting on this state of almost constant anxiousness that I was living in the past few weeks, I happened to listen to a very relevant podcast (The Maximized Minimalist with Katy Wells episode 278- Managing Holiday Overwhelm Stress-Relief Strategies for Parents with Caley Kukla) that reminded me focus on some tools that we could all benefit from in daily life, not just when we are feeling like the load is getting too heavy.

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." ~William James

Just One Thing

If you are like me, you have an endless list of things that need to be done, and it becomes so overwhelming that you get "stuck" in the position of inaction instead of action. There is simply not enough time in the day or energy in the body to get it all done. This is where I pause, make a brain dump list, and choose just one thing.

I pick just one thing from my endless, overwhelming list of things to do.

I flip the laundry, unload the dishwasher, put that toy away that is sitting in the middle of the living room, make the bed, or pay one bill.

Whatever your list contains, pick one thing and do it. No matter how small that one thing is or how insignificant it might seem to you, getting one thing done will help your mindset. And if at the end of the day, you only got that one thing done, you did accomplish something, and some days, that's everything.

Listen to Your Body

Have you ever found yourself having this sense of urgency and everything around you seems to be triggering a sense of anxiety or your temper? You find yourself losing your patience about things that you normally wouldn't or unable to make a plan on what to do next.

Listen to your body. It sounds like an oversimplification of things, but sometimes as moms, we are so busy "doing" what needs to be done for everyone else that we forget basic necessities for us. 

Do a self-awareness check. Are you hungry? Do you need to pee? Do you need some water? Sometimes taking care of those basic physical needs will help your mind relax and put you in a better mindset.

It's Okay to Say No

When you are overwhelmed, it is acceptable to take things off your proverbial plate if you need to. Yes, Dear Reader, you read that right. It's perfectly acceptable to say no to things. 

You do not have to attend every holiday party, birthday party, gathering, or get-together. You do not have to volunteer for every event at your kids' school or church. You do not have to agree to make the costumes for the school play or your daughter's ballet recital or be in charge of decorating for Christmas at church. It is okay to say no!

I found myself in this situation recently. I was feeling overextended and overwhelmed. I knew I couldn't do it all, so I did a personal inventory and took something off my plate.

We decided to cancel Friendsgiving this year, which was sad, but necessary. I admitted that I couldn't do it all, and more than that I realized that it was okay that I didn't do it all.

We often find ourselves overextended because we not only feel like we are expected to do it all, but we also want to be the mom who does it all. 

However, the truth is, that no one can do it all, and recognizing our limitations, whatever they may be, is an important step of

self-awareness.

Exercise Really Does Help

If you can take 15-30 minutes out of your day to do some form of physical activity, even just going for a walk around the block with your kiddo, it will help to improve serotonin levels and reduce cortisol levels.

When you pair this with 5-10 minutes of deep breathing and mindfulness at the end and beginning of the day it goes a long way to reduce stress levels.

The Peral of Expectations

So often, we set unreachable expectations for ourselves and what our life should look like which in turn puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on us. 

I think we especially see the effects of this around the holiday season. We have these Hallmark Movie ideas of how Christmas (or other holidays) should be.

The perfect decorations, the perfect food, the perfect family pictures, the perfect presents. Every tradition is followed, all details are accounted for, everything is in its place and, every holiday party is attended. It's not only exhausting but unrealistic.

This is something that I struggle with. I have to remember to let go of the picture-perfect and embrace the real and messy beauty of my life. 

During this season of life, I have permitted myself not to have picture-perfect standards for myself. I have learned that I'd much rather relax with my family and friends than worry about how everything looks around me.

Change the Pace

If you have kiddos, you have a busy life. It's inevitable. You live in and control the chaos of tiny humans, which seems to resemble the cadence and pace of the William Tell Overture.

When you find yourself whirling like a top and you don't know which way you're going, change the pace. If you know that your morning will be busy with errands and activities, make sure to block some time in the afternoon for some "change the pace time."

Don't run the dishwasher or vacuum during this time. Don't have the TV on for background sound. Don't blast music and play on your computer or phone, while your kiddo plays on their tablet.

Instead, play quiet soothing music and do slow-paced activities such as reading books, coloring, puzzles or even watching a movie as a family. It honestly doesn't matter what you do in your "change the pace time", what matters is that you are slowing down and removing or reducing the overabundance of stimulation that we find in our lives.  

(I'd like to note, that there is a time and place for phone and tablet time, but when you're trying to reduce stimulation, that is not an ideal time for the overabundance of stimulation that those devices create).

Change the Scene

When your mind is racing and your kiddos are pushing all the buttons and all things seem to be leading to a very big meltdown for everyone involved, change the scene.

  Get outside, go to a park, visit an indoor playground, or even just put them in the bathtub.

We are blessed to have a swimming pool, so when things are heating up inside the house, we cool off outside in the pool.

We are also lucky enough to live by the beach, so when I feel like things have been too stressful and we all need a break, we head to the beach for the day and enjoy the relaxation and play that scene provides.

Honestly, it doesn't matter what you do, the idea is that by changing the scene, you are changing the type of stimulation and dynamic of the situation.

I hope that this article has given you some ideas, Dear Reader on how to switch the script on your personal "mommy meltdowns", because let's face it, "mommy meltdowns" happen to everyone. It is not an item you own the patent on, no matter how creative your version may be.

You are not alone in feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, and over-stressed. Give yourself some grace Dear Reader and remember that you are an amazing mamma, you are exactly who you need to be for your kiddos and family.

Let me know what you think and if you have any additional ideas that can help mammas out there when they are overwhelmed and overstimulated.